13 Oct 05 - Today, while waiting for my hubby to fetch me from work, blogging la apa lagi… 
Kenangan lama mengusik jiwa la… KLMJ, as what we called it in MCB.
When I was 2 mths pregnant, I had chicken pox. It was only 3 weeks that my hubby & I were overwhelmed with joy about the good news. I was so worried if my chicken pox would affect my baby inside me. My GP said that a pregnant mother who had chicken pox in the first trimester, the baby might be deformed at the hands/legs since at 2 mths the baby’s hands & fingers & legs & toes are developing. Gosh! Can u imagine how I felt at that time? I called by cousin in Perth who is an O&G specialist to ask for advice. Her worries were the same as my GP. She asked me if I was bleeding (alhamdulillah I did not bleed) etc and told me not to be worried but try to gain as much info on this matter. She reminded me that I should do a detailed scan (4D scan) after 2 mths to really find if the chicken pox had any effects on the baby. Based on my ‘research’ in the medical journals, if a mother is pregnant and diagnosed with chicken pox, the chances are 2% or less the baby would be having lungs problems and deformity at his hands & legs. At that time I was thinking if I would be in the 2%. All I could do was praying to Allah & read Surah Yusof as much as possible.
When I was 4 mths pregnant, Fahmi & I went to the Univ Hosp to do the detail scan. Alhamdulillah the baby hands & legs & other parts of his body were normal. BUT, the doc found a culcification (a Calcium-based hardening - like a bone structure) at his heart. I asked the doc what did that mean? He said the existence of culcification at the baby’s heart sometimes could dissapear as the baby grows but he had to tell me that it increased the chances of getting a down-sydrome baby (1 in 300 cases, if not 1 in 600). Ya Allah, Allah saja yg tahu my feelings at the moment. The whole time when I was pregnant, from the moment I got chicken pox, I was worried like hell. I cried a lot. But thanks to my beloved hubby, he was always there for me when I just burst out whenever I thought about it.
To be continued… nak balik dah…
pic: before going to the hosp- - - - - -
14 Oct 05 - K, Friday prayer break.. sambung balik…
2 Sept 2004 - At 38th week of pregnancy, after my final check up, Dr Ummul (from Salam Med Ctr, Sec19, Shah Alam) told me to go back home, pack up & come back at 11pm to be induced since the graph of the baby’s heart beats was not vigorous. Alamak, the time has come. Takutnya… So, I went home, packed up all the necessary stuff, I did solat Isya’ with Fahmi (after that terus broke down & cried on his lap, worrying for the worst), solat hajat & taubat, seek forgiveness from fahmi & ibu and had my last dinner before I was a mom.
We arrived at SAMC at 11.30pm, we checked in a single room and waited for the midwife with Ibu & Fahmi. At 12.30am, she came so Ibu & Fahmi had to go home and leave me alone… The midwife then inserted the ubat. My first contraction came at about 2am. Then every 30-45min. I tried to sleep but every time the pains came mestila terjaga kan. Sampai la Subuh when another midwife came to seluk (urgh, i really hated that!). Dia kata baru 2cm dilated. She gave me some kind of julap to membuang apa2 yg patut, then I took my shower.
At 9.00 Dr Ummul came to pecahkan ketuban but just before she inserted the long blue tube (was it a tube? maklumla masa tu tak pakai contacts/specs - rabun la), my water broke. Masa tu baru 3cm. They took me to the labour room right after that accompanied by Fahmi & Ibu (but Ibu had to be outside tho). From that moment on, the contractions became more frequent, from 15-30mins to 10-15mins. 2 hrs later, I heard screams from the room next door. Kuat giller! Dalam hati kata, sakit sangat ke bila baby dah nak keluar? cuz I heard voices/screams like "Nak epidural tak tahan!", "Tak boleh awak dah 10cm, no use, tahan sikit ye…", "Kuat lagi!" etc… More screams of arghs! were heard. In about 1/2hr, senyap je. Dengar slow voices of the midwives je. Pastu baru dengar suara baby nangis. Suddenly, I was crying, feeling happy for the mother & sad bcuz it had been 2 hrs but I was still 3cm dilated. Later I heard that my neighbour’s baby’s neck was strangled with her umbilical cord, tu yg senyap je tu but she was OK. It was a girl.
I was so tired & sleepy, and the pains became unbearable (every 5min). I clinged on Fahmi’s hand, neck, shirt & whatever I could hold on to tightly. Kesian Fahmi, sampai tertarik2 baju dia. Dah le kena miss Friday prayer, he was also tired & sleepy since he couldn’t really sleep last nite thinking about me & d baby. In between the pains, I tried to sleep but always awaken by the pains again & again. A midwife asked if I wanted gas or epi or anything to ease d pain, I said I would try to hold on till I counld’t hold on anymore. She said, bagus la, lagi sakit rasa bersalin, lagi sayang kat anak nanti… (mudah2an) Dr Ummul came from time to time to check on me (at that time ada 2-3 patients yg nak bsalin) then told me to lie down to the left, to make the dilation cepat sket.
At 3.30pm, it was 6cm. Fahmi asked the midwife lama lagi tak sbb dia nak solat zuhur. She said, lama lagi ni, biasa lagi 1 jam nak sampai 10. Ibu took his turn to teman me, reading ayat2 to ease my pain (Alhamdulillah, it helped!). Midwife kata, kalau terasa nak buang air, beritau ye? Not long after that, dah terasa dah. But I didn’t want to tell her yet sbb takut Fahmi tak sempat balik dr solat. Tahan kejap. After 15 mins tu dah cannot tahan anymore. I told her & she said, kejap ye, saya panggil doktor. She asked me to terlentang lak. 10min later, Dr Ummul came. It was 10cm. I was like, mana hubby ni, nanti tak sempat…. camcorder dah ada kat tepi ni. Ibu was so panicked I tell u. I was at my peak & she asked me what was Fahmi’s HP no. Sampai Dr kata, "Makcik.. takpe nanti saya suruh org carikan…" The midwife said she would try to find Fahmi at the surau… he was nowhere to be found…
4.03pm - Dr Ummul said she can see the baby’s head already. Push harder & hold she said. 1st push. "Harder & hold". 2nd Push. "Harder!" Blooppp… I felt something hot coming out & saw Dr Ummul lifting up my baby followed by his loud cries. Just in a few seconds, I felt so relief (after the unbearable pains)… "See, it’s a boy", she said. She asked Ibu to cut the umb. cord since Fahmi was not around. Ibu said, "Tak beranilah doktor…" Dr Ummul cut the cord. I tried to get up to see my baby. She put him on my chest. He was so purple, his head was very lonjong and nangis kuat giller (that’s my boy! :)). Dr said the lonjongness would surut but I heard d midwife said kadang2 permanent (ches!). I told her I want to bfeed him. She took Ammar away, gave him to the midwife to clean him & checked my milk.
Fahmi finally came when Dr was about to keluarkan uri. "Sorry, b (as in baby, I called him b too, as in hubby - sama la masa bercinta, he called me fen, as in girlfriend, & I called him fen too, as in boyfriend), sorry sangat… tak sempat nak tengok". Takpe I said, dah selamat… I really meant that, maybe there was a reason why Allah tak izinkan Fahmi to watch the precious moment… he was so hungry that he went to have something to eat next to d hosp after solat. But I kinda regret that gamba baby tak dpt amik… ala… 
nak buat camne… then Dr Ummul asked him to wait outside cuz she wanted to keluarkan uri & jahit..
Ingat lepas tu dah lega & i tot kena jahit tak sakit, but I was dead wrong! Masa nak keluarkan uri tu, it was quite difficult. Tekan2 tak keluar gak. She had to insert her hand & took out the uri. Gosh, sakit lagi! Pastu kena jahit. The midwife injected me (bius), twice, takde kesan pon, sakit jugak. I asked Dr, how many stiches? She said "I nak bagi jahitan kemas, tahan ye… sikit lagi…" Nak wat camne, tahan je la kan.. dekat 1/2hr if not mistaken.
In the mean time Fahmi watched the baby being tested by d paed. His reflexed was fast & strong, paed said. Alhamdulillah…
pic: ammar (1day) with midwives)
I was then taken to the ward, a double room, for Fahmi to teman me. 1 bed for me, 1 for him & 1 small crib for d baby (but we paid for one bed je plus other discounts, thanks to Uncle Shake - he’s one of the SAMC partners).
2 hours later, Ammar was brought to my room. He looked just fine, so peaceful in his sleep, his skin was no longer purple & the lonjongness had gone. I was taught to nurse him d right way by d midwife. I felt quite funny (in a good way) during his first suckle.
The next morning, Dr Ummul came to checked on me. After examining me, she said I was OK and I could go home in the afternoon. Then Dr Nazir came to inform me the baby’s progress. He said he knew about my concern & worries, but not to worry as the baby was doing very well. Alhamdulillah… I was so happy & relieved. Syukur sangat2, my prayers were heard & granted by Him, d most merciful, most loving… I was totally a new person. I became a MOTHER!
tu yang masa nikah tu, imam tu kata, "hukum nikah ni ada sunat dan wajib. sunat kalau masih boleh tunggu, wajib dah tak leh tunggu dah. awak punya yang mana satu?" "wajib ustaz" replied alias and everybody laughed. maklumla dah 10 thn kenal baru kawen kehkeh…
So I had to answer questions like "Ala kesiannye, what happen to Ammar’s face? Are they really nyamuk bites? etc" many many times cuz the red dots were so obvious that anyone couldn’t help but noticed. Takpe la janji dia sihat, kan? And he was quite grumpy too cuz tak cukup tido that evening. So he would cry and turn away whenever people tried to kiss him and clinged to me most of the time. He didn’t want anybody to hold him until mama & abah (in-laws) came (Ammar is definitely fond of them esp Abah) so I passed him to them so that I could layan the guests. And I did get questions like "Is he always like this?" Well the answer is yes and no. Yes, when he is approached by people who are strangers to him and no, if he was not being approached so sudden, he would "greet" them with his own way (like go to them and say "cak?"). Well I guess the so-called ‘attachment anxiety’ is normal for babies who are raised at home by their caregivers, unlike those in the children nursery.
